To my new router

I still remember the first time we met. I was just getting over the passing Linksys (aka Sparky) after that terrible lightening storm/power outage. Poor Sparky. He never saw it coming. Grief stricken, but resolved to continue on, I ventured grim faced to the Best Buy. A lot of different brands caught my eye, but you were different from the rest. First of all, you weren't black. Don't get me wrong. I've had a lot of black routers. There was Pingy, Webby and Bob. But you, you were white and very impressive with your 3 antenna. Clean and sleek, almost Apple-like. I bought you quickly and rushed home, excited about our new relationship. Like any couple starting out, there was some awkwardness at a first. Should I just plug you in and see what happens? Or follow the steps in the manual? Being a gentleman, I decided to carefully follow the instructions. What a mistake! Your software just didn't work. My laptop couldn't see you. Maybe you were scared. Maybe everything was happening too fast for you. After a few more missteps and coaxing, you finally came around, revealing yourself with an excellent signal. Happy and feeling content that I had made the right choice, I went to bed.

Night is a time for sleep. A time for quite. And shining lights are out of the question. I guess nobody informed you because you lit up my room like a carnivale. Greens, yellows and oranges lights strobed across the walls and ceiling. I thought to myself, "That couldn't be my new router? My new router is classic and modest. It wouldn't lower itself to sure cheap theatrics." Tilling my head over the edge of the bed, I made the confirmation. It was you! I could believe it! Sparky never acted this way. There was only one thing to do. So I did it. I covered you with a dirty pair of my underwear and will continue to do so until you've learned your lesson or another power surge releases you from this world. You are such a disappointment.

[caption id="attachment_758" align="alignnone" width="280" caption="Whore!"]Whore![/caption]